Male ego crushed

She had me ! My silence was killing me. I wanted to talk, I wanted to scream. But something made me stop. I just couldnt talk. All I could hear was sissy fag coward loser. After sometime she calmed down and asked me never to call again or else she would hand me over to cops and disconnected the call. I couldnt sleep that night. I regretted my every move. Next morning i lied about not being well and didnt go to college. I kept doing this for couple of days. I just didnt want to face her. Out of nowhere unexpectedly i recieved her call on 3rd day of that horrible phone conversation. She asked me to come to college 2morow and disconnected the call. I mercilessly ended up in college next day. She was nowhere to be seen. She had bunked the lectures and was chilling around in a near by cafe. She caught me after the college was over and handed over her books to me and asked me complete her notes by 2morow. I was desperate to talk. It was like a dream that my dream girl was talking to me but i never wanted it to happen this way. That night I kept completing her notes. I hadnt finished my mine but I made sure I did hers. I handed over them to her next morning. She asked me whr I lived n how did i come to college. College was 5mins walking distance from my house. But she used to come by trains. She asked me about who all stayed at my house. When i told her that 9 to 5 its all by me. I could see a twinkle in her eye. She asked me to text her that night. I said yes and was about to walk away when she ordered me to buy a cigarette packet for her. I did that, handed over the packet to her and left for home. I kept wondering whether she had a soft spot for me and maybe she too tries 2 be stubborn on the outside but was soft on the inside. At around 11pm i messaged her. She was instant to reply. She asked me whether I am sure nobody would be home 2morow. I answered positively. She replied that 3 of her friends and herself wanted a place 2 drink and they would be coming over. I said no issues. But that was not it. She got angry n said dont you even dare talk like I am ur friend. I just replied with a ok. She then gave me a list to buy - a bottle of scotch, 2 packets of cigarettes, soda, food from hotel. I said i didnt have that much money. She got angry and said do whatever it takes..beg, borrow, steal ! I had no option but to lie to my parents for extra money being required for college project. I messaged her in the night I had managed the money to which she replied "good". O kept thinking lying on bed why was i doing this but the thought of having four girls at my place drinking excited me. I slept off thinking about how the party will go. The next morning shrutika messaged me asking for my address. I replied with the address and left home for buying alcohol and other. Stuff. They reached my home around 10.30am. I was expecting hugs or maybe atleast a hello while entering but nothing of that sort happened. They straight away barged into my house and went around checking the rooms. I closed the door and stood there wondering what next. Shrutika asked me to get the glasses ready and everything laid on the table while they changed into something comfortable. I said okay and started getting table ready. I had made 5 small pegs, 4 for them and one for me. Got the ice and soda ready when they walked in. I was awestruck seeing them. They had changed into mini shorts and camisoles. I was in seventh heaven just looking at them. They reached the table and shrutika asked me about the 5th peg to which I said I will be having it. They started laughing.. one of the girls pulled my cheek and said u will remain in ur room whole day completing our assignments while we drink here. I was confused but suddenly shrutika screamed and ordered me to get into my room and start the work. I left. I came into my room and locked it. They had put on some music and started drinking while i was in the room completing their books. They had their tops and jeans kept in one corner of the bed neatly folded. I couldnt control staring at them. I took courage and smelled them and it was pure ecstasy. My mind started racing. I had never cross dressed in western clothes. It was only sarees, blouses, petticoats for me. I wanted to do it badly. I checked the washing machine for my moms yesterday's clothes. I took out the bra and panty she had worn previous day and put it on. I was literally shivering now. I took the pink top which shrutika was wearing and hastily tried to put it on. It got torn at the left underarm and all my excitement fizzled out. I immediately lost the small erection which I had got. I removed the top and checked how much big was hole.. It was a little one..thank god ! I didnt think about the size..these girls whr all slim and petite whereas my mom was voluptuous which never caused any problem wearing her clothes. But the top I tried on was just 'S' size. I was scared to death. I removed my moms inners put them back into the machine and folded shrutika's top and kept it back in its place. I got to completing their assignments. At around 2pm I finished writing and was damn hungry by then. I opened the door and saw them dancing..They had finished the alcohol. Shrutika asked me why was i out of the room.. i told her i was hungry and wanted to have my lunch to which they laughed and said they had eaten it up and asked me to get back into the room and not come out till the time I am ordered. I was damn hungry but had no option and I went to my room. I tried sleeping but i couldnt. Slowly as time was passing I was getting scared. I had expected them to leave by 4 so that I could get everything like it was before.. but it was 4.30 and no sign of them moving out. Mom was expected to be home by 5pm n they were still smoking in the living room. At around 4.50 they came to the room and asked me to go out as they wanted to change and leave. I hurriedly started cleaning everything. Started the fans on full speed..opened the windows to get the smoke out. They changed and came out and asked for money to go home. I was shocked. Whr the fuck would I get money from was in my mind but not on my tongue..i just went to my bedroom and got some money. When i was handing over the money to shrutika..she looked at me and said 'for the top?' Other girls didnt seem to have a clue but I knew she knows it that i did something to her top. But as it was 5..she didnt say anything more and they left.. i got back to cleaning.. I had managed to get everything cleared up ! As much as what i thought was clean ! Mom was home by 5.15. As soon as she entered she smelled the smoke and asked me about it to which I said i dont smell anything. Nothing happened. I went to my room and mom to hers. Then it struck me whr are the cigarette butts ! Holy shit ! They are still in the house.. before i was about to open the door..mom barged in just her bra and petticoat(worn under saree) with a box in her hand and gave me a tight slap. She started screaming at top of her voice asking about so many cigarette butts in her room.. the girls had left it on make up table. I started crying i didnt know what to say.. Mom said how dare you smoke..u wont be given any food tonight and no coming out of ur room till 2morow morning. This is ur punishment. I kept crying while she closed the door on me. I stopped after few mins but I had seen my moms boobs for 1st rime though they wr in her bra. But that was the closest I had ever seen anything. I just said laid on the bed thinking about two things now whether mom will tell dad and what is shrutika thinking about her top now. Dad was home by 8..one good thing she didnt tell him. They had their dinner by 9..she had told dad that i wasnt feeling well and wont be having dinner. At around 9.30 mom came into my room. I acted as if I was asleep. She woke me up and started asking me questions. Her 1st question was a shocker for me..was thr any girl home today ? I stammered and said no. I kept saying I was all alone. She asked then did u smoke all the cigarettes on ur own? I said yes.. She was like are you sure ? Then I said yes. She then showed me the butts and asked me.. I said yes and then while looking i saw lipstick marks on it. Fuck ! Mom asked since when I am doing this? I said we started smoking when the college started..to which she cut me and said not smoking..when did u start putting on make up. I had no answer..Mom said i saw there was some fiddling around with the make up box too.. when did u start putting on make up..do u like to be a girl ? I started crying..I guess she knew by now what I really was... mom threw the butts in the dustbin and walked away without consoling me. I started crying even more harder. She came back..i thought maybe to console me.. But she just went to the washing machine and removed her clothes from it..and said i always felt there was something wrong in  the way I kept my clothes in the morning and the way they would be in the evening. Cant believe i gave birth to a sissy. I couldnt believe the words from her mouth. I just kept abusing shrutika in my mind for what has happened. Mom left without saying anything more. I kept crying for another 20mins. I just wanted to run away. Thats when my phone rang and it was shrutika. I hated now her name on the screen..I wanted to abuse her.. as soon as I received the call..She asked me about the top..I had no reply..she just asked did u wear it ? I didnt know what to say..I kept saying what are you saying..she remained silent for a bit and then asked why did u wear it..do u like being a girl ? I started crying.. She knew now.. I was a real sissy.. that was the 1st time she talked lovingly with me when she said dont cry baby..u r a strong girl.. I felt good and the same time humiliated.. She said good night and cut the call.. in one day within few hours two women know my reality now.. I am a sissy.. not a real man.. my male ego was crushed..the man in me had left my soul...or maybe he was never there..