1st Day in Senior College

The vacations were over. College admissions had been done. Everything was all set for the new college life in town(mumbai). I was very much excited for it. Though I had studied in co-ed it was always a problem to have female friends. It was mostly because of my introvert nature. I am the only child of my parents. Both of them have 9 to 5 jobs. I used to spend my whole time studying in school or tuitions till the time hormones kicked in. I wanted to have girlfriends like other guys but i couldnt. I couldnt even talk to them which made me even more curious about them. I badly wanted someone in my life. While others were losing virginity I was just wondering how to get a gf. I started making my knowledge about girls more deeper.i would read magazines n books. This didnt help me getting a gf but I ended up trying my moms innerwears. No sexual urges but it made me feel good as if I had someone. It progressed onto trying more and more stuff. I could wear a saree n little bit of make up in no time. Gradually i didnt want to hang out with friends, all I wanted to do was come home and crossdresser as long as i could. I wanted to sleep in panties but never dared to it. This continued for very long and while other guys were masturbating and fucking all i was happy in was in feminizing myself. But I had developed a fake macho persona which showed me as arrogant and aggressive just so that no one knew what I really am. Cut long story short.. 1st day of college.. i had few friends from school n junior college who also had taken admission in same college n some even in my stream(bms). I had missed the freshers party btw so for me everyone was mostly new. All were sitting in the class when a hot chick walked in with couple of friends.. Even her friends were hot but I had a liking towards her(shrutika). All day long I stared at her. I checked out were she lived n whr she is from other guys who were talking with her. Seeing her smoke turned me on even more. My mind had just one thought if u have to get a gf she is the one. I stole her no from a common friends no and bought a fake sim to get in touch to even know her much better. In reality i didnt even lock eyes with her. I messaged her on WhatsApp from the new no. and ended up getting questioned about how I got her no. She wasnt satisfied with the answers n decided to block me which made me anxious n i told her the reality to which she didn't reply anything though she had read them. Next day when she came into the class, she straightaway approached me and started calling me by names and abusing me. Even i reverted back as the whole class watching the scenario. But all of a sudden out of nowhere she called me a sissy n i just couldnt say anything anymore. I started stammering. I did manage to say sorry n asked her to leave. But the word sissy stayed in my mind. I couldnt think anymore apart from that. I started thinking what if everyone knows I am sissy crossdresser. I was so scared and turned on at the same time. I dressed up after reaching home in my moms clothes n that very day I was getting turned on like never before. I could feel like a girl. Next thing I did was jump onto the bed lifted up the saree and started moving pillow over the panties. It was turning me on even more and more. And I ended up cumming in moms panties. This was the 1st time in my life I had came(orgasmed) ! I had never masturbated in my whole life ! The moment I came I felt very bad about it. I removed the clothes put them back into the place. I dont know were i got courage from, but I ended up calling shrutika from my real no. I wanted to bash her up to prove my point that I am macho and not a sissy. BUT the moment the received the call before i cpuld speak anything she started laughing and said I knew u would call, now m sure u r a sissy. Guys like u dont have the guts to talk face to face. All u can do is try to be a hero, but in reality u r nothing but a sissy. I was just listening to her. My mind had gone blank.